BRAINPAN LEAKAGE

Yes… Yes… I know. The next blog up is supposed to be Food. It’s Really Not That Hard… I’ve caught all manner of grief about the “cliffhangerness” of the $750.00 story… Well, suck it up and quit complaining. It’s coming…

HOWEVER…

Well… You saw THAT coming, right? I know I did…

As it happens, March 26 is way more than just a two and a six in a square on a sheet of paper. Never mind that the two and six would only add up to eight, which is way less than 26. Unless you then multiplied the sum by three and added two. But this isn’t supposed to be a math lesson. It’s actually supposed to be a March lesson, sans drums, hares, and, well, marching…

Suffice it to say, March 26 is a couple of things besides just a date on a page:

1. Earth Hour Day – if you don’t know about Earth Hour day, then go here and find out: EARTH HOUR – We here at La Casa De La Pelirrojas will be on candle power this evening to show our support. Feel free to join us (in the whole candle power thing, not showing up at our house. Do that and we might have to shoot you…)
2. National Make Your Own Holiday Day – Srsly. (Details)

Soooo, since March 26th, every year, is National Make Your Own Holiday Day, the staff of Brainpan Leakage – the staff in question being Moi… and… well… E K, because she’s the supervisor and I have to do what she tells me to do… But anyway, here at Brainpan Leakage we… I… she… us… Whatever… thought it might be a good thing to toss some ideas out there for folks, just in case they are having problems coming up with a holiday…

POSSIBLE HOLIDAYS FOR NATIONAL MAKE YOUR OWN HOLIDAY DAY

National Make Your Own Porn Day (Be sure to share)

National Do Whatever E K Says Day (24/7/365 for me already)

National Read A Rowan Gant Investigations Novel Day

National Chuck A Woodchuck Day

National Simonize Your Car Day

National Eat Sushi Day

National Hit Someone In The Face With A Pie Day

National Just Say No To Microsoft Day

National Velvet Day

National Eat Some Vienna Sausages Day

National SPAM On A Stick Day

And… You know me… The list could go on, and on…

So there you have it. It’s National Make Your Own Holiday day, so make yourself a holiday and celebrate it every way you can. But when the festivities are over, remember to turn out the lights, shut off the TV, and maybe just read a book by candlelight. Because no matter what holiday you invent, it’s still Earth Hour day, and we’ve only got one Earth – it has to last us a while…

Besides. You’ll save some cash by not using all that electricity, and then you can afford to run out and buy some more books by that M. R. Sellars guy…

More to come…

Murv

The 3/4 of a cool grand all started with an unnaturally perky, raven-haired hottie, a really sharp looking pair of hooker shoes, and the promise of an extended lap dance I would never forget – nor would anyone else for that matter, what with it being executed smack dab in the middle of a VFW Hall…

But, before I can really get into that part, I have to give you the background story, or none of it will make the least bit of sense.

You see, I woke up Tuesday last, that being the 15th of March, two-thousand eleven, with a sore throat, an earache, and the sniffles. Initially, I was hoping that the mask of my CPAPian nose hose had merely shifted in the middle of the night, causing me to mouth breathe, snore, and all sorts of other nasty things that would cause such a morning ailment. I was hoping for this because if it was the case, I would be over it very quickly, and considering that on the 17th I had to climb aboard a rocket-propelled cattle car bound for Texas, I really didn’t want to be sick.

Alas, such was not the case for me. By that afternoon I was running a fever of 101, and by Wednesday I was in full blown sinus hell, near laryngitis, and pushing the mercury securely beyond the 102 hash mark. When Thursday rolled around, I really wasn’t any better, although my fever had dropped into the 100 plus range. Instead of hiding from the world – which is exactly what I felt like doing – I went ahead and doped myself up, stuffed 35 pounds of sugar free cough drops into my carry-on backpack, and boarded the plane. However, I left my blue suede shoes behind. (I’d give folks two points for getting that reference, but all it means is that they are old like me…)

Keeping to myself, not speaking to anyone unless absolutely necessary, and stifling my cough by chain-sucking cough drops, I rode the first sardine can to DFW, and the Airborne Eggbeater to Killeen, Texas. Why? Because that’s where the Sisters of the Earth and Sea are, and just as importantly where OstaraFest 2011 was taking place. And, since I was a guest speaker, I kind of needed to be there…

Lolly (L), Joyce (R) with their 2010 COVR Retailer of the Year Award

Joyce (Sister Sea) and Lolly (Sister Earth) picked me up at the 6 gate eggbeater terminal, then shuttled me back to Joyce’s house where I was going to be crashing for a few days. Sister Sea, being a Chemist, Mathematician, and all around great gal, proceeded to doctor me with an herbal tincture concoction she calls “Skunk Jooce” (note: that’s MY spelling on the Juice. It just seems to add a little more mystery in MHO) and an herbal decoction called “Healer Tea.” Apparently the “Healer Tea” is widely known to induce eye-watering, sneezing, and to clear sinuses simply by coming within three feet of it while brewing. Srsly. I saw it nearly take out Joyce and Lolly right where they stood.

Me? I couldn’t even smell it. That’s when Joyce decided that I wasn’t just sick, I was “mostly dead.” It’s a good thing she could teach Miracle Max a thing or two. (Good on ya’ if you get the reference, but still no points…)

Eventually, after resting up, it was time for dinner. Butch, Joyce’s husband, and Jennifer, their daughter, had been working in the kitchen all day in order to create a fine, fine dinner of Cottage Pie, Corned Beef, Cabbage, Potatoes, Irish Soda Bread, and other trimmings necessary for a lovely Saint Patrick’s Day dinner.

No more had we begun to shovel food into our mouths – because even when I’m mostly dead I have to eat dinner – the phone rang.

THIS was when I first became aware of the perky girl with the hooker shoes, and life would never be the same again…

(To Be Continued in Food. It’s Not That Hard… – coming Sunday 3/27/11…)

More to come…

Murv